Thursday, March 20, 2008

The Picture

I called my mom yesterday to ask her to look through my mail and tell me if there were any checks. There weren’t any, but I did find out that I had the chance to win 10 million dollars, and all I had to do was fill out 72 forms over the next 2 years and somehow try to maneuver around getting roped into a magazine subscription for something called, “Pictures of Cats who Knit”. No thank you, Publisher’s Clearing House. I’m still paying for my subscription to, “How to Look Good in Shorts at any Age.” My 79 year-old mother read it the other day and is trying out some of the looks. Since I’ve moved back in with her, I’ve had to cut her toenails, pluck the hairs out of her chin, and sit in on her gynecology examination. I do not need to see her in a pair of cut off jean shorts and red cowboy boots.

Anyway, there was also a UL Alumni magazine that had an article about me in it.

My mom told me, “You want me to read it to you? There’s a horrible picture of you. You look so serious and old.”

I’m not exactly sure what picture she’s talking about, but I think it's the one above. I know I my expression is of a person trying to decide between paper and plastic at the grocery store check out line, but I ask you, what’s so bad about that? Are we supposed to take every picture like we did as kids? Like there’s some moron holding up a sock puppet and singing some song about Old McDonald and his goat?

And maybe I was thinking about something really insightful? Maybe I was solving some of the world’s biggest problems, like media coverage of Brittany Spears and Paris Hilton. And so what if I looked old. You know what mom, I am old. I’m 38 years old. At that age, you’d had seven children and an obvious lack of self-control. So it’s okay if my pictures don’t involve me sitting on Santa’s lap or laying naked on a fluffy pillow. And to tell you the truth, I’m not crazy about my smile. I have a big wide nose that I inherited from your mother, who I loved dearly. And I’m proud of that big wide nose. I just don’t want it photographed.

I love you mom, but when you look at that picture, you need to stop seeing your baby. You need to look deeper and see someone who considers himself the luckiest person in the world to have you as a mother. And this makes him so happy, that he becomes a little sad, because he doesn’t know how to express it.

By the way mom, some woman emailed me about that picture and said she found me very attractive. Granted, she was 75 years old, but she had all of teeth. I guess that’s it. Happy Easter Everybody.

Much Love,



The Davis Girl said...

Tell your mom that this 27 year old thinks you're handsome, too. Though I am missing one tooth.

Tony said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tony said...

I find your mother's comments baffling. The face you're making in the picture reminds of the face you made when I told you that I was only thinking of quitting FOGL after Sekaran Muragiah had you and Sandoz forcibly removed from the organization. You may recall that after you looked at me like that for a few minutes I decided to go ahead and definitely quit.

rxnnz said...

Like your mom says Jacques, She is Sexy, and I'm sure she would look Hot in her cut-off jean shorts!!

That visual cracks me up, your mom has a great sense of humor.

Unknown said...

Is it just me or did we the readers of this blog entry just sit through a therapy session with Jacques and his mom?

Granted, the woman inspires a certain amount of emotional perplexity. When I gave her a Thank-You bottle of wine (at Jacques' suggestion), she told me that she was an alcoholic (later I found out she was joking). God, maybe I need a therapy session after my visit with Mrs. Couvillon.

Anyway, my dear good-looking friend, one word of advice. As a sometimes-manager to the stars, I can say that the whole Sebastian Junger serious guy hot photo is really hard to pull off if you have an album full of red cowboy boot poses in your past. Be yourself, Blue Steel ;>



The Seriously Unphotogenic Kurt

Tony said...

The previous comment reminded of the time C.W., aka Jacques' mom, came to one of our fraternity events and Jacques introduced her to one of the members named Brett Fawcett. The only thing she tells the guy was, "you must have been picked on alot as a child."

Good times.